HomeBlogRelationshipPolyamorousKitchen Table Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know

Kitchen Table Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know

People Standing and Sitting in Front of Table

Generally speaking, traditional monogamous dating has lost its sense as the only way to engage in a relationship. With the modernization of today’s society, polyamory relationships have become more accepted and normalized than ever before.

However, with every new type of relationship that emerges from a free society, it can be challenging to understand what polyamorous relationships represent. It can also be difficult to wrap your head around the possibility that it’s okay to date multiple people simultaneously with their consent.

This article will help you understand how kitchen table polyamory relationships work, who can benefit from them, what it takes to engage in one, and their good and bad aspects. Stick around, as it can make this concept more understandable and even help you consider this type of relationship.

What is kitchen table polyamory?

Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) has various definitions. Still, all rely on the same situation – the ability to sit at a kitchen table with your lover’s exes and the people who attract them. It implies being able to drink a cup of coffee and spend time with them.

That means you can create a somewhat family situation with everyone and feel comfortable having a genuine relationship with them. Also, it means you can get satisfaction from seeing your lover experience pleasure from anyone who isn’t you.

This setting can seem impossible to monogamous people, as it can be challenging to set aside your jealousy, ego, and pride. On the other hand, this type of relationship has become a natural occurrence among polygamous individuals.

How it works?

Every person in a kitchen table polyamory has to acknowledge all the parties involved and consent to this setting. Everyone who engages in a kitchen table poly setting should be able to express their emotions and attitudes without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.

Experiencing this type of relationship means having a close relationship with your partner’s other partners (metamours), exes, and people they are attracted to or with whom they have an emotional or sexual relationship.

The dynamics of this particular type of polyamory relationship reflect managing your emotions and communicating with every party involved. Most people who are a part of these types of polyamory relationships have most likely experienced similar kinds of polyamory relationships in the past.

What makes it different from other types of poly relationships?

Nowadays, various polyamorous relationships have found their place as acceptable and standard dating styles. Every poly relationship has elements and behavior that are supported and desirable by the whole group.

For instance, the difference between a kitchen table polyamory and parallel polyamory is that in parallel polyamory, every individual is aware of other parties but has no contact whatsoever with them.

It all comes down to the agreement all of the individuals make together. The more open everyone is to experiencing new things while engaging in poly relationships, the more complex the relationship between them will be.

How to make it work?

Making this relationship work can be very challenging, especially when more people are involved. Finding a balance between setting your ego aside and being free to experience a typical relationship with everyone can be tricky.

The best way to get involved in kitchen table polyamory is to talk to your partner about your desires and see whether they are open to that idea. If you already have a polyamorous relationship, this idea can seem like a new and fun challenge.

However, the consent of your partner and yourself aren’t enough to make it work. Experiencing a healthy polyamorous relationship means having honest communication with every party involved and knowing that everyone can feel comfortable and safe in that environment.

Emotion management

The biggest challenge connected to this matter is rationalizing your emotions and putting jealousy, possessiveness, and envy to the side. Managing your feelings in this situation can be a considerable challenge, especially for individuals who haven’t experienced the concept of polygamy in the past.

First off, you need to clear your head and acknowledge that you aren’t alone, as more people are in the relationship and have similar issues dealing with the situation. Second, you may want to assure yourself that you are ready for that relationship style.

The best way to overcome negative emotions is to communicate with your partner and other parties in the kitchen table polyamory relationship. Keeping your frustrations to yourself can only negatively affect your relationship and hurt other individuals involved.

Which types of persons can engage in kitchen table polyamory?

Not everyone can be comfortable experiencing any polyamory relationship, especially with the idea of being close to their lover’s other partners. Anyone who chooses to be a part of a kitchen table polyamory relationship needs to meet particular behavior requirements. Otherwise, the relationship can’t work out.

If you’re a liberal individual who likes polygamy, is open to experimenting with different styles of poly relationships, has a strong personality, and has experienced polygamy in the past, kitchen table polyamory can be a good choice for your partner and yourself.

Make sure you are ready for the experience, as not setting aside your emotions that interfere with the relationship can hurt you and your partner. It takes a lot of personal, emotional, and mental work to experience this type of polyamory relationship.

Is it right for you?

You might ask yourself: Is a kitchen table polyamory a good choice for me? Chances are you may feel scared and confused about this matter, as the thought of sitting and talking to someone your partner is attracted to can seem like the most challenging thing ever.

The best way to know whether a kitchen table polyamory setting is right for you is to imagine it in your head and acknowledge how you feel about it. Talking about it can also help you understand whether you should do it.

Sometimes, giving it a shot can help you know whether you’re the right person to do it, and you can always step aside if you don’t feel comfortable. On the other hand, that experience can hurt you and cause issues that can last for a long time.

Is it healthy?

Every kitchen table polyamory relationship differs based on the individuals involved. Therefore, the relationship’s success varies depending on the dynamic of the relationship and the behavior of every party.

Polyamorous relationships can positively affect a particular relationship, giving you and your partner a chance to set jealousy aside and work on your trust. This setting can be possible only if both of you consent to the idea and don’t plan on using anything from a polyamorous relationship to blackmail and hurt each other.

A healthy and honest relationship with everyone involved can be beneficial for personal reasons. However, it can leave traumatic consequences for yourself and others if not done right.

Is it possible?

These types of poly relationships happen every day among thousands of people worldwide. Most of them work out as everyone has already set boundaries to ensure everyone feels okay with having a polyamorous relationship.

However, not every kitchen table polyamory relationship works out. Being jealous and envious is a human thing, and not everyone can overcome those feelings and be open to experimenting with having a relationship with multiple people at the same time.

So, yes – kitchen table polyamory is possible as long as every person involved deals with their emotions and is open to the idea. It can work out perfectly, especially for people who enjoy seeing their partner get satisfied by other people.

Is it okay to decline a kitchen table poly offer?

Picture this: your partner has just presented the idea of a kitchen table polyamory and is curious whether you’re down for it. At that moment, you start sweating, and your heart starts beating faster, as the idea of your partner being intimate with anyone who isn’t you stresses you out a lot.

If that sounds like you, it’s most likely that kitchen table polyamory isn’t the right choice for you. However, remember that there is nothing wrong with declining your partner’s offer and expressing your concerns about the idea to them.

Not being ready for this setting doesn’t mean you’re emotionally unstable. It just means that you don’t feel comfortable with it and would feel hurt in the end. Therefore, your partner must understand and respect your opinion.


Although it’s difficult to believe, there are benefits of being in a kitchen table polyamory. If you look at it from a different perspective, you could be surprised at how positively this experience could affect you, your partner, and other parties.

Some of the pros of being in this type of relationship are:

  • Emotional and individual progress
  • Building trust with your partner
  • Being open to experimenting with different kinds of relationships
  • Overcoming jealousy and envy
  • Putting your ego to the side
  • Learning the ability to have a relationship with multiple people
  • Overcoming awkward situations
  • Emotion management
  • Healthy communication
  • Healthy relationships

Once you consider all these benefits, you can understand how a kitchen table polyamory can be a fun and exciting experience as long as you feel ready to emerge in that type of relationship and environment.


On the other hand, you may experience unwanted effects of kitchen table polyamory relationships that can leave traces in your life for a long time. That’s why not many kitchen table polyamory relationships work out, as individuals don’t know how to deal with the situation and their emotions.

Here are some of the downsides you may experience along the way:

  • Anxiety
  • Trust issues
  • Panic attacks
  • Inability to understand the situation
  • Awkwardness
  • Issues with your partner
  • Emotional damage
  • Miscommunication
  • Wrong coping mechanisms
  • Inability to be in a relationship after the experience
  • Low self-esteem


To sum it up, the kitchen table polyamory concept represents a complex relationship between everyone involved. It doesn’t just take for you and others to be open about it, as it also requires a lot of self-work and honest communication with everyone.

Although it can positively affect your partner and you, going through the experience without getting ready for it can only damage your relationship and every party as an individual. Making it work depends on how you look at it and set your boundaries and communication.

However, some people are curious to find out whether this type of relationship works and consequently decide to try it out, knowing it could damage them. Many of these people enjoyed the idea of openness and polygamy.

We hope this article helped you understand how kitchen table polyamory works and whether you’re the right person. We wish you the best of luck and advise you to always stay true to your emotions and never forget that communication is the key!

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